Basically every person is motivated and managed by rewards. When we think of a reward system we might think of what works for us: praise, stickers, free time. I want to remind us about the Pygmalion Project and the post I wrote earlier. The Pygmalion project is where we try to put our ideas, wants, skills, rewards that worked for us, etc. onto our children or others. As we look at how to motivate and manage, I want you to look at what your child needs, not what has worked for you. Sometimes it may be the same, but it might not be. Be open to looking for what is the best.
We will look at each personality type and discuss what is a reward to them. *If you need any help individualizing or making a plan to motivate or manage in different situations, contact me and I would love to help you set up a plan!*
Helper
As we've discussed, Helpers are authority driven. This means that they will listen to those they view in authority. This makes motivation and management usually easy. They will want to follow the rules and will feel rewarded as they do so. They are also rewarded by verbal praise like, “well done”, and "just how I wanted". They also are rewarded and work to do better as they are used as an example to others of what to do in different situations. They usually like to be in charge and so giving them a chance to be an ‘executive’ in some way will help to motivate and manage. The are also harmonious, collaborators, which means they will work hard to keep things working smoothly. They also value gratitude- say specific thank you’s to them. This type also likes charts, stickers, prizes, awards.
Player
Since Players are utilitarians, it means that they are often looking at what is in it for them and how to get what they want. This means that you will probably be striking deals and showing them what they can get for doing the things that need to be done. This type is usually looking for something to excite them, some sort of activity or something they want to do. They are sensory oriented and are looking for something stimulating. They also have many interests like sports of arts that they want to get better at. Learn and know what excites your child and interests them. These are the things that you can use to barter with. For example: "if you want to go play basketball, you need to clean your room". Try to set up the expectation before, so they know what is expected. You can also include them in deciding what reward for what chore/homework/ or action you need them to do. This way they help to decide and it won't be as much of a power struggle.
Feeler
Feelers are enthusiastic about many different things. You probably won't have too hard a time figuring out what those are, either because they will tell you multiple times or they will have pictures hung up or other evidences around. They love to learn and will be interested in doing classes in the arts or theatre or sports, etc. They are searching for who they are and so they are interested in trying new things. One way to really reward them to identify part of their identity. If they feel they are truly understood and seen, it will help them start to understand themselves and feel closer to you. They love to improve relationships and that is one way. Another is to offer to do something with them or find something in common that will help your relationship. Another way to reward them or motivate them is go to them for advice or how something should be done. This helps to build up their confidence and push them to work harder.
Thinker
Thinkers are very self sufficient and probably feel like they don't need anything. But there are things you can do to motivate and manage this type. A big thing is don’t tell them how to feel, think, etc. That will push them away and make them defensive. You need to explain the why’s behind what they should do. For example: "you need to shower so you are clean and don't smell". If they can see the rationale behind doing something, they are much more likely to do it. A way to motivate or manage is to give them space to explore and do things that they like. If they have that, they will be self motivated and if they are given this as a reward, they will have a reason to do something they may not want to do as much. Another way to reward them is to ask them to explain what they are working on. They like to explain and share. Another way to motivate or manage is to give them time and resources. You can set this up as a reward for completing something.
As a reminder: *If you need any help individualizing or making a plan to motivate or manage in different situations, contact me and I would love to help you set up a plan!*
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